The FRIENDS as Lawyers

If you didn’t know…

I’m obsessed with FRIENDS.

I mean, OBSESSED - I could seriously alternate between watching FRIENDS and The Office forever. At this point, it’s basically like the soundtrack to my life. (And yes, I am l i v i n g for their reunion - coming soon to an HBO Max near you).

This show hasn’t really contributed to my legal life, apart from sparking an intense desire to attend a New York law school and live in a huge, rent-controlled apartment in the Big Apple. But for weeks, as I’ve watched Ross & Rachel break up and get back together seven different times, I’ve wondered the same thing…

What kind of lawyer would each friend be?

MONICA GELLER

Federal Prosecutor

Craves order, has a strong sense of right and wrong, loves when people play by the rules…Monica is 100% a prosecutor in the making.

Prosecutors are “government-side” at criminal trial, representing the state against people accused of committing crimes. They have an immense amount of power and responsibility, which Monica craves; she’s also squared away on trial organization, as shown by her own wedding binder and meticulous picture sorting. Totally ready for the massive “Trial Binder” that most lawyers bring to the courtroom. Trial attorneys are also notoriously competitive, so…CHECK! And it goes without saying that her loud, “I KNOW!” catch phrase is well-suited for hard-won convictions.

In an alternate universe, Monica would make a killer defense attorney but…I don’t know. She’s a little too straight-laced in this world.

CHANDLER BING

Trusts & Estates Lawyer

No one knows Chandler’s job on the show either, so it seems appropriate that he’d practice some obscure corner of law as well…

…trusts and estates it is!

T&E attorneys help their clients get their affairs in order for after death - sometimes that’s drafting wills, sometimes powers of attorney, and sometimes setting up trusts and making sure they’ll ‘live on’ properly after the settlor is gone. Chandler is most well-known for jokes and a sense of humor, which are a must for dealing with death all day. He also has some personal experience with messy family situations, which would likely help him deal with distraught family members, poorly drafted documents, and the confusing patchwork of T&E laws, and poorly drafted documents.

That job might drive him to start smoking again, but could there be a better fit?

JOEY TRIBBIANI

Sports & Entertainment Law

It’s no secret that Joey is, like, the biggest Knicks fan of all time (I know the gif is him at a Rangers game, don’t come for me). Since Sandwich Lawyers don’t exist yet, looks like sports law is probably the best fit for him - I’ll bet free tickets are part of the deal.

Sports lawyers handle alllllll the legal aspects of amateur and professional sports. At the amateur level, they work with athletes, donors, colleges, and universities; at the pro level, they can serve as agents to individual players or represent teams, sports agencies, or regulatory agencies. The latter is where I envision Joey; he already knows all about agents from his days as Dr. Drake Ramoray.

Sports law isn’t all fun and games though (pun totally intended). This practice areas includes everything from contract and antitrust issues, to compliance questions with federal law like Title IX. It’s no secret that Joey isn’t the brightest member of the FRIENDS gang, but I’m sure he could manage. Also that is NOT a dig on sports lawyers - they’re just as smart and qualified as any other kind of lawyer!

PHOEBE BUFFAY

Animal Rights Lawyer

Her love for Smelly Cat is indicative - Phoebe would make a PERFECT animal rights lawyer. Refuses to wear a mink coat, doesn’t eat meat, loves even the stinkiest animals, once found her mom’s spirit in a tabby…there’s no doubt.

As an animal rights lawyer, Phoebe would use the legal system to speak for animals and their human allies. I don’t see her working for a law firm (despite her alternate reality self as a Merrill Lynch gal) - she’s definitely fit to be part of a grassroots animal rights organization. I mean, could you see Phoebe taking on Tiger King? I definitely can (and would like Netflix to consider producing that particular documentary, thank you v. much).

Honorable Mention for Phoebe’s future legal career: Human Rights Activist. Her tattoo of the “whole world,” free massages at the UN, and incredible tolerance for everyone around her made this a close second.

ROSS GELLER

Constitutional Law Scholar

Ross gives off serious con law scholar/professor vibes. I mean, it takes a certain type of person to get worked up about stuff that’s been dead for a very, very long time!

Con law scholars study the Constitution (of course), but also its jurisprudence (how the law about the Constitution has developed) through cases and judicial opinions. This is exactly what Ross does as a paleontologist, just re: dinosaurs and evolution. Most con law experts are also law school professors, which tracks for Dr. Geller - teacher by morning, published author by afternoon/evening/night/every other time.

For the record, it DOES feel like a divorce lawyer might the most natural choice here…but I feel pretty qualified to make this particular determination. My own constitutional law professor is one of the foremost experts in American constitutional law, and I can totally see Ross in his shoes!

RACHEL GREEN

Fashion Law

I mean, just look at her style. Bold. Beautiful. READY for Paris.

I know she’d never date a boring guy from legal, but Rachel is a perfect fit for a fashion lawyer. They advise clients on legal issues regarding every part of the fashion world - apparel, footwear, cosmetics, jewelry, luxury, etc. Sure, she’ll have to know about copyright and contract law, but being an executive for Ralph Lauren can’t be easy either! And I think Rachel would have the perfect balance of fashion and legal knowledge to succeed in this field.

Fashion lawyers are employed by distributors, manufacturers, modeling agencies, retailers, photographers, designers, and even fashion houses. Maybe this time Rachel could land that job at Gucci - which, for the record, looks like “guck-ee” but is pronounced “Goo-chi” 😬

And there you have it! All our favorite FRIENDS in their legal professions…no longer broke, but also probably not hanging around the coffeehouse at 11 o’clock on a Wednesday. Honestly, the show just wouldn’t be the same.